When it's Hard Letting Go, Kisses Make it All Better
Before I begin, I must admit that this is not my typical light-hearted blog. I write these words while fighting back tears. Through much thought, much struggle, and much prayer, I have decided that it's time to wean Olivia. For those of you who haven't breastfed, you may think that I'm being a bit over dramatic. But for those of you who have, you know the closeness that only a mother and her child can feel during that very intimate time.
I felt weird asking Josh to snap a photo of us, as I've never allowed a camera near us while we're nursing. However, I couldn't allow our last feeding together to go undocumented. As soon as Josh left the room, I sat holding my daughter with tears streaming down my face. It's so hard for me to think that 9 months ago we were both eager to get to know one another. Neither of us knew what we were doing, but we both learned together. Today we are pros, and alas it's time to grow in a different direction. I just never knew that it would be so hard to let go of such a special time that only she and I share.
We've been very blessed with our breastfeeding experience. I've been fortunate enough to have a very encouraging and supportive husband. My employer has been more than understanding in accomodating my pumping schedule. And I have amazing friends who were there to advise me and encourage me when I felt like throwing in the towel. It has been an amazing experience, and I'm going to miss it sorely.
As Livi's tummy got full, she reached up with her hand and touched the tears that were streaming down my face. She looked up at me and gave me the biggest toothy grin I've ever seen. Then she started dancing in my lap....it was obviously not bed time. So together, we headed downstairs for a little more wind down time. As I sat with her on the sofa, I just couldn't stop crying thinking about how much she had grown and how blessed I am to have her and Josh in my life. Then she reached up and cupped my face in her hands, and she gave me the biggest kiss she's ever given. Mouth wide open - you guys know what I'm talking about. She planted one right on my face and just would let go. And of course...the tears kept coming! I knew that she was telling me that everything was going to be okay! How's that for life - your 9-month old daughter comforting the over-emotional Mommy!
Have I told you guys how much I love this little girl.
I felt weird asking Josh to snap a photo of us, as I've never allowed a camera near us while we're nursing. However, I couldn't allow our last feeding together to go undocumented. As soon as Josh left the room, I sat holding my daughter with tears streaming down my face. It's so hard for me to think that 9 months ago we were both eager to get to know one another. Neither of us knew what we were doing, but we both learned together. Today we are pros, and alas it's time to grow in a different direction. I just never knew that it would be so hard to let go of such a special time that only she and I share.
We've been very blessed with our breastfeeding experience. I've been fortunate enough to have a very encouraging and supportive husband. My employer has been more than understanding in accomodating my pumping schedule. And I have amazing friends who were there to advise me and encourage me when I felt like throwing in the towel. It has been an amazing experience, and I'm going to miss it sorely.
As Livi's tummy got full, she reached up with her hand and touched the tears that were streaming down my face. She looked up at me and gave me the biggest toothy grin I've ever seen. Then she started dancing in my lap....it was obviously not bed time. So together, we headed downstairs for a little more wind down time. As I sat with her on the sofa, I just couldn't stop crying thinking about how much she had grown and how blessed I am to have her and Josh in my life. Then she reached up and cupped my face in her hands, and she gave me the biggest kiss she's ever given. Mouth wide open - you guys know what I'm talking about. She planted one right on my face and just would let go. And of course...the tears kept coming! I knew that she was telling me that everything was going to be okay! How's that for life - your 9-month old daughter comforting the over-emotional Mommy!
Have I told you guys how much I love this little girl.
How was I so lucky, to get a girl like you.
You fill my heart with joy in everything you do.
I love your little smile so sweet and your little grin,
My love for you is deeper now than it's ever been.
God must know me pretty well to know that I needed you.
He knows I'm in love with you and everything you do.
So sleep little angel, Mommy's here so rest your little head.
And when Mommy sleeps your Angels will come to stay right side your bed.
You fill my heart with joy in everything you do.
I love your little smile so sweet and your little grin,
My love for you is deeper now than it's ever been.
God must know me pretty well to know that I needed you.
He knows I'm in love with you and everything you do.
So sleep little angel, Mommy's here so rest your little head.
And when Mommy sleeps your Angels will come to stay right side your bed.
posted by Bethany at 6:08 PM
9 Comments:
Allright you've got me crying now. I too am getting pretty emotional about starting to wean David at his first birthday. I have a feeling it will be very hard for him as well. He loves to play with my hair while nursing. Just recently when he is trying to fall asleep he started sucking one of his fingers and playing with his own hair. It just tears me up inside!
i didn't breast feed my Joe, but you've inspired me to try with my next..when and if there is a next! that's beautiful, what you wrote. That's awesome about how great your employers have been about you pumpimg. i have known women whose employers were not so nice about it!
They grow up so quickly don't they! Breastfeeding Bonding Time is truely an intimate moment between a mother and her child. Some people don't get the opportunity to experience this, and I'm glad that you and Livi were able to. I love you both so much and love watching you grow as mother and daughter. We all are truely blessed to have our children in our lives who make it so much more to live for.
I breastfed both my kids for 6 mos. and trust me, you will not miss it so much as you think. It's hard when your hormones are all a-raging and you are unsure about how bottle-feeding will go, but then after a week or so, it's quite a relief to have your body back...all back!
With my first, I went from nursing 4x a day to not at all, and I made the decision rather suddenly, so I don't even remember the last time I nursed him, so that was hard. It was painful, too! With my second, I gradually dropped feedings over the course of 2-3 mos., so it didn't hurt nearly as bad. And I also remember the last time I did it, which is nice.
You'll never regret doing it for that long, but I think you'll be more glad than you think that you made this decision. Good luck!
I'm Katie's friend, by the way.
Ladies,
Thanks for the words of encouragement. Today was a new day, and it brought new relief!!! Thanks again.
Beth, you made me cry! I love you and your next child is lucky to get to share that same experience that Olivia got with you!
I was bawling reading this. Mainly because I completely understand your emotions since I am currently in the process of weaning Noah. I can only imagine how emotional that last feeding will be. Olivia is so lucky to have a mother that cares so much for her. Just think of it this way, you have done such a great job raising her that she is ready for more independence. That is part of parenting, unfortunately...one of the hard parts is letting go bit by bit. I love you sweetie and I think you are an amazing mother!
Thanks, Heather. Good luck weaning Noah, and enjoy every last moment. It's only been a week, and I'm sorely missing it. Even Olivia misses it. She's been showing me much more affection in other ways since she's not been nursing.
I'll be praying for your transistion too!!!
Bless you! This brought tears to my eyes!
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